Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
