Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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