Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
