we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
