I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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