can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
