is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
