he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
