remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
