It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
