PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
