Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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