Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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