My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize