Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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