my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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