just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
