I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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