grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
