Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
as a side note pls kill me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
