She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
