Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
