Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
