Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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