Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
