Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
