I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
