He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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