dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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