I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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