Dual....:-)
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
