i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
