Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
