some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just googled if crying burns calories
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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