its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We left the knife in your bed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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