if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
