Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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