Did you just see the Batmobile???
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
