when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
