If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
