Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
A+ Viking dick
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
