I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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