Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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