please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
