I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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