If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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