Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Someone signed my nipple.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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