Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
