Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
