I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dear god my vagina.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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