I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
