I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
