At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How does it feel to date your dad?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
