the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
well, you know. whores of a feather.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
