the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That accounts for only three of the penises
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
