Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
