oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
