I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
