You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
