She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
