yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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