even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
