trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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