whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The struggles of a small town man whore
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
