why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize