I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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