I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
