Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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