hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
