Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
