Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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