my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
