my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
not ubering you a puppy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize